


Four Times Yuzuru Hanyu Interrupted Nikolai Morozov, and One Time He Didn't

by jake_is_my_name



Series: Lessons with Mr. Morozov (just don't stand too close) [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 10:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1507790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jake_is_my_name/pseuds/jake_is_my_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morozov wants to ensnare Javier's soul. Yuzuru must find a way to (politely) foil his plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Times Yuzuru Hanyu Interrupted Nikolai Morozov, and One Time He Didn't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Grasp_a_dream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grasp_a_dream/gifts).



> I just read this over and realized I have no idea what this is.

**1.**

Nikolai Morozov, breathtakingly skilled and experienced figure skating coach/choreographer/ice dancer/politician/shaman/cyborg/erstwhile paramour to people of all ages/unofficial ornithologist (he hadn’t made a certificate for that last one yet, unlike the others) looked in the mirror. He looked in the mirror, and he liked what he saw. He cleared his throat, adjusted his tie, and slicked back his naturally slicked hair with more gel. 

Olympic season was coming, and he was in the middle of his quest to regain all of his former students whom he had pissed off in previous years but might have a chance at medaling next season. He’d already ensnared Daisuke and Florent with the power of his indecipherable Byzantine chants and surgically implanted mechanical ocular whirligigs (also known as “eyes” to some). Now all he had to do was get Javier back, and world domination would finally be complete, his collection of 1398470 ~~souls~~ students increasing to the necessary 1398471.

He found Javier sitting on the ground backstage after the short program results. Nikolai stood, looming over his former student until Javier looked up.

“Nikolai…” Javier came to his feet, met him face-to-face. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“As a matter of fact, there is something you can help me with,” Morozov chuckled, as he felt his eyeballs starting to warm up and begin their 83540 revolutions per minute, generating massive amounts of heat energy that would have incinerated his face if not for the ritualistic protection spells and embalming procedures preserving his ageless countenance. “Just look into my eyes…”

“Javi!” A voice pierced the air, and a force out of nowhere barreled into Javier’s back. It was that Japanese training partner of his, Morozov noted with distaste, as the other boy swung an arm around Javier’s neck. “It’s time for nabe! You have to hurry, or it’ll get cold.” He looked over, noticing Morozov, and flashed a sunny smile. “Oh, hi, Mr. Morozov!”

“Hello,” Morozov said stiffly. He blinked inconspicuously to turn off his gyrating orbs.

“You’ll have to excuse us,” the Japanese skater said, smiling as he ushered Javier off. “But the kind of nabe we make… it gets cold so quickly.”

Morozov pursed his lips. Well, let it not be said that he was an impatient man/shaman/cyborg. He could wait.

**2.**

Javier wasn’t backstage this time. Morozov found him at the boards, watching one of the earlier warm-up groups.

Morozov slithered up behind him, sliding his hands onto those broad Spanish shoulders. He started to rub them soothingly. “Javier…” 

“Javi!” That obnoxiously loud training partner of Javier’s came barging through, accidentally knocking Morozov down as he wrapped long arms around Javier’s waist. “The newest episode of _Attack on Titan_ came out! Hurry and we can finish it before performance!”

Nonplussed, Morozov blinked from where he had been upset on the floor. “You’re going to watch cartoons before a competition?”

“It helps us calm down,” Yuzuru explained, as he pulled Javier away. “Watching people viciously slaughter giant human-eating monsters… it’s very relaxing.”

**3.**

It was after the medal ceremony. Morozov made sure that Japanese skater was fully occupied and nowhere near Javier before he approached him. He left Yuzuru chatting with Miki, knowing that Miki could talk as long as the night wore on.

He found Javier on his way out of the arena. “Javier!” Morozov panted as he ran to catch up with him. Finally, Javier would be his! “There’s something very important we need to discuss…”

Javier’s cell phone rumbled in his pocket. Javier gave him an apologetic look and checked his texts.

“Sorry, no time,” Javier said. “My training partner tells me that it’s time for onsen.”

“What! Where is there an onsen in the middle of Zagreb?!” Morozov shouted.

“He built one,” Javier said with a shrug, and left the building.

**4.**

Morozov opened his mouth.

“Javi!” Yuzuru hollered, attaching himself to Javier like a mutant, many-limbed limpet. “It’s time for –”

Morozov pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me guess. There’s a tea ceremony? A kabuki performance?” 

“Nooo,” Yuzuru grinned. “It’s time for nomikai!”

“Are you even old enough to drink?” Morozov snarled. “Don’t you live _with your mom?_ ”

“It’s, um, a special family version of nomikai.” Yuzuru tugged at Javier’s arm. “Come on. Oba Hanyu does not like it when we’re late.”

**

“That man just does not give up, does he,” Yuzuru sighed. “I’m running out of stereotypically Japanese things to interrupt him with.”

Javier smiled. “I know you just want to protect me, _querido_ , but it’s really not necessary.”

“Isn’t it?” Yuzuru shuddered. “That man is evil. I can feel it in my bones. And also in my pants.”

“… What I mean is, you don’t have to come charging to my rescue every time.” Javier pressed a kiss onto Yuzuru’s forehead. “I know what I’m doing. Just trust me.”

**

**+1**

After his scheduled chemically enhanced cool-off period (also known as a “nap” to some), Morozov had a headache. And he knew the source of that long-burgeoning headache. He strode into the changing room, (sha)man on a mission, and found Javier in the middle of putting on his shirt. 

“Javi!” Yuzuru shouted, dropping in through the ceiling to tackle the other boy, his arms barely through the arm-holes as dust and chunks of plaster landed everywhere. “It’s time for –”

“No!” Morozov snapped. “I don’t care if it’s time for Ikebana class, or shamisen practice, or the sushi is going to get too warm for nantaimori! Javier, you and I are talking – right – now!”

Morozov grabbed Javier by the shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact for more than three seconds. Yuzuru tried to intervene, but Morozov swat him away. It was too late.

Morozov released Javier triumphantly. “How do you feel now, hm? Is there anything you’d like to discuss? Any life-changing decisions you’d like to settle, once and for all?”

Javier blinked. “He’s right, Yuzuru,” he said, tone flat and lifeless.

Yuzuru gasped. “No, Javi! You have to snap out of it!”

“No, this has gone on long enough. It’s time we settle this, once and for all.”

Javier slapped Morozov across the face. And then he grabbed Yuzuru and frenched him sloppily, hands cradling his face as he pushed him against the wall.

He pulled away with a loud smack, stunned looks on Yuzuru and Morozov’s faces. “In case the message wasn’t clear, I’m going to sex my boyfriend now. You probably want to leave now, unless you want to get a disturbing eyeful.”

Morozov paused. “Actually…”

Yuzuru yanked off Javier’s shirt and threw it at him. “Get out!”

**

“Javi…” Yuzuru panted, as they rolled around on the floor. “How did you resist his awesome mindbending powers?

“It’s because I have something not everybody has,” Javier whispered conspiratorially.

“You have a glass eye!”

“No! We have True Love. Now take off your pants.” Javier moved to help him with the zipper but winced at the ache in his hand, having bruised himself on the titanium plates that made up Morozov’s chiseled jaw. “I should probably get to a doctor after this. And by the way, I have this really weird urge to have wild marathon sex and marry thirty-eight year-old men.”

“…”

“You did something, didn’t you, Yuzuru?”

“Maybe?” Yuzuru laughed nervously. “I know he has some kind of machine in his head, because sometimes when he stands too close to me before warm-ups, I hear this strange, never-ending medley of Bésame Mucho/Moonlight Sonata/Swan Lake/Michael Jackson hits. So while he was asleep, I snuck into his room and tried to turn the thing in his head off. But I couldn’t find a switch or anything like that. So I just hit him repeatedly over the head until I heard clicking noises.” He shrugged. “But I guess I just changed the settings from Become My Student to Become My Fourth Wife.”

Javier hung his head and sighed. “You just couldn’t trust in True Love, could you?”

“Well, right now you want to marry thirty-eight year-old men!”

“But I’m not doing it, am I!” Javier groaned. “I really need to get to a doctor.”

“Sure. Um, after the wild marathon sex?”

“… That works for me.”

**

RANDOM OMAKE!

“Yeah… Yuzuru, this isn’t going to work. I’m trying, but my brain keeps picturing Morozov’s face everywhere, and I mean everywhere –”

“Yeah, I’m getting the doctor on the phone.”


End file.
